Friday, May 20, 2011

Madonna, you're into that

Q. I got some really gnarly fungus growing on my feet. I've been told that a surefire way to cure this athlete's foot itching is too pee all over my feet in the shower. I've been diligently peeing on my feet in the shower for 2 years and still no change, it's kind of just habit now. Any REAL suggestions on how to cure athlete's foot?

A. I first heard about this method years ago. From Madonna. On a talk show. Ever since, whenever athlete's foot is brought up, I have this quick vision of Madonna peeing on her feet. I wonder how she does it. Is she aiming or positioning her feet close to the source? Does she do this standing up, crouch down or lay on her back? All of that flashes by in a split second. I haven't had to put those thoughts into words before now. Your question has brought up other questions in my own life that I must now face. For instance, how much has Madonna influenced some of the mundane thoughts I have on a daily basis? Will she Google herself and find this blog post and have something to say to me? Has she already been reading my posts? Is she one of my two regular readers from the UK? If I asked her to be a guest consultant on my blog would she say yes?

Right now I don't have the answers to any of those questions. As for your athlete's foot. There are ton's of products on the shelf of your local drug store or super market. Most of them will bring about some relief if not a likely cure. You have your choice of cream or spray or liquid or powder. Whichever you choose, stick with consistent application and you should see your symptoms start to clear up in a few days*. 
Hope that helps,

*And this is where I remind all the readers out there that I'm not a doctor. I'm just a guy who contracted athlete's foot from a pair of leather boots I bought from the Nordstrom Rack in winter of 2003. I was in denial for a few years. I even tried self medicating... If it was good enough for Madonna... It didn't work for me. Finally I bought some medicated cream. And things have been much better. Honestly, it feels good to have my life back. I was able to look people in the eye again. I was able to land a job. I sired a couple of healthy children- athlete's foot free. My hair started to fall out but I'm not sure if that was related to the cream or the fungus. Again, I'm no doctor.

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