Don't think, just say... the wrong thing.

Q. Please tell me what you would do if you were me, some people automatically assume I am mentally slow and or poor just because I'm in a wheelchair, What would you do Mark?"

A. Dear Duel Tread,

SINCE YOU ARE IN A WHEELCHAIR I WILL WRITE IN ALL CAPS SO YOU CAN  MORE CLEARLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU... WOULD IT BE MORE HELPFUL IF I ADDED AN EXTRA SPACE BETWEEN THE WORDS? SOMETHING - MORE - LIKE - THIS -? PERHAPS IT WILL HELP YOU READ IT S-L-O-W-E-R .  OR BETTER YET, YOU SHOULD ASK YOUR  HELPER TO READ THIS TO YOU. I WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING. THIS WAY THEY CAN DETERMINE THE CORRECT LOUDNESS AND SLOWNESS OF THE READING BEST SUITED FOR YOUR PARTICULAR SITUATION.

Dear helper, before you read this out loud, please kneel down so you are face to face with our little wheeled angel, lean in, rest a hand or an elbow on the wheelchair, then start in with a clear loud voice. Frequently stop to ask questions with simple "yes" or "no" answers. For instance, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS SAYING?"

What would I do? I have no idea. But here are some scenarios I can imagine.

1. I'd get a co-host spot on some TV show like Ellen. I'd always be reporting on advancements in science and math. That way you're famously rich and people know you are smart.

2. I'd do whatever I wanted. If any one complained I'd shout some garbled mess of words and wheel away. Let them think what they want. Unless you are the actual ambassador for the wheelchair people of earth... If that's the case please disregard this option. It would be unbecoming of some one in that position.

3. I think T-shirts are a wildly powerful forum. I'd have loads of them with saying like: Filthy Rich, Your mom asked ME for a loan, My brain is so heavy from knowledge I have to sit down all the time,

Steven Hawking is pretty smart I guess. And, .!.. U.

4. I'd change my daily wardrobe to formal professor robes. I'd accessorize with a globe and a monocle. I'd adorn my wheeled throne with antique looking scrolls, maps and charts. If any one spoke to me in a manner unsuitable for one so distinguished in appearance, I'd say, with a curious look in their direction, "Most interesting...Truly." Then jot down a line or two in a note book, turn on my wheel and glide away to my next adventure.

5. I'd milk it. I'd let people know I can absolve them of their "Walkers Guilt" for a mere $20 donation. I'd kiss each of their hands, tell them in three days they will wake up feeling better and send them on their way.

Hope that helps.