Thursday, October 27, 2011

Burn Quick and Bright

Q. Met this boy at a bonfire, he's a friend of a friend. He's a drifter at the moment. Originally from San Diego. Then moved to Texas. Recently turned 19, moved to San Diego by himself, then to LA, lived there for a while, moved to SF he's been here for 2 months, and he's leaving in 11 days for North Carolina, what are your opinions on long distance relationships? Is it worth a try?

A. I think most of the time long distance relationships are not worth the effort. There are a few exceptions though. If you are someone who has had a hard time meeting people. If for some reason or anther people are not generally falling in and out of your life. If this meeting of yours is truly a once in a lifetime opportunity, then by all means see if it can work. And if it does, then I wish you all the best. 

Generally I would say, follow the rule. And that is, long distance relationships don't work out and aren't worth all the time, money, effort and wondering they require. In this situation, I'll recommend you enjoy they short time you have together. Let the relationship end on a beautiful note of longing and wonderment. You can then hold the memory of them perfectly in your heart. Always the perfect, "If only" or "What could have been." Sure it's difficult to let go and it hurts a little. But it sure beats a break up text or a string of calls, emails and texts never to be returned. Never to have closure. Were they hit by a semi while hitch hiking? Abducted by a band of howler monkey's? Or was it that tramp Cindy? (My apologies to all the non-trampy Cindy's out there.)

With saying goodbye in a couple of days you know when the expiration date is. And you know what the cause is. It's not his fault or your fault. It's North Carolina's fault. Damn that North Carolina. It's always taking away the best boy's. 

As for this relationship, take it for what it is. Enjoy it for what it is. Be sweet and warm and affectionate with each other. Be open, be honest and then let it go. Carry the memory of each other with you for years to come. Forever if you want. But don't spoil it by dragging it out and trying to make it something it is not. 

He's a wonderer. Let him wander. If he wanders back into your life, you can consider letting him in. But I wouldn't commit to a boy who won't commit to a city or a state.

I wish you all the best and hope that helps,

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