Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Ol' Man and the Cave

Q. What's the one word you would remove from the English language?

A. I once heard Goldie Hawn asked this same question. Her answer was, "Hate".  I guess that's a fine word to remove. But I didn't think it would help to relieve the feeling or drive or aggression of that particular mindset/state of one's heart.

I still remember the word that flashed through my mind as I tried to come up with more suitable answer.  It was dirigible. But it's only because it's a word I had recently learned and it seemed outdated and practically useless. I heard Mr. Burns use it in a sentence on the Simpson's once. But in response to your question I'd like to say there are types of words I'd remove. Since we are talking about the whole English language here, why stop at one word? There are plenty to spare once you really start looking.

This question sat around for a while and I kept my ears open for a suitable answer. First off I would like to get rid of squished compound words. Not things like horseshoe, or flagpole. But words like, Synergenetics, Reastaurantourbus, Satisfactoriffic, and Bootylicious. (My apologies to all the bootylicious honey's out there- even without the qualifier you've still got it and all that.)

The second category is similar to the first but more gender specific. I would love to put an end to words turned from the feminine to the masculine by smashing some portion of the word "Man" into it. Words like; Mirt, mandals, manties, murse, mankini, mewelry. Can't a skirt just be a skirt? Or sandals, just sandals? When women started to wear pants was there an attempt to distinguish them from men's pants by calling them W'ants? Or Lady-britches?

Wait! Nope. Not that. None of that. The word I would like removed from the English language, spoken or official, it doesn't matter. I just know my skin crawls when I hear the word, Man Cave. Yup, that's the one. Goldie, I hate that word. It's much less a word that brings to mind a room in the house I want to kickback in and watch a sports meat*. And more a word that makes me think of... of... where the sun don't shine.

That's it for sure. That's one. That one overrides all that was written before. And maybe this post can clarify that look that flashes across my face when I've been invited to view the new enhancements you've made to the ol' man cave.

Thanks for the question and I hope that helps,

* That's right. Meat.


  1. "When I hear the word breath I feel ill."

    -Oslo Elliot age 4

  2. Just to clarify from your post title- is referring to your dad as the old man or ol' man off limits too? I'm going to cause offense if so I'm afraid.

  3. Pepper, Love it. Thanks for posting this. Taylor. The title is based on a book title. It has no reference to anyone specific. Offend away.

  4. Taylor, Pepper just pointed out that I misunderstood your question. Thank you Pepper. I don't think it's off limits.