Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Burnt plastic on the fire stick

Q. Mark,

I see that you love Starburst from your older posts about them and I am wondering if you have tried them roasted over a campfire? ..... if not then you are in for a spectacular treat!!! You just put them on the roasting stick over the fire for a few seconds.. maybe 30... then pop that hot sticky burst of flavor into your mouth---enjoy!

A. Dear Person,
I have not ever enjoyed a campfire stick roasted Starburst.
I have not ever done my own taxes. 
I have not ever seen a Big Foot. 
If I were to ever see a Big Foot. Or The Big Foot. I hope the story would sound like this:
"I'll be damned if it weren't raining out. But we'd had chili for dinner. So I had to take the trash out. The mice are already well fed enough and all be damned if I want to invite some raccoons into the kitchen. My lady's a real good cook and her vittles attract all kind of critters. And like I said, it was raining. Real hard though. So I slid into my slosh boots and I was already carrying the trash bag in my left hand. Or maybe it was the right. But it was raining so I can't right say which. I just kept thinking I'm so happy God let me keep both hands. And I was so thankful they both worked. My aunt Tracy had a whole hand that did nothing but sit there and push buttons on a TV remote. I thought that was near just as bad as not having a hand at all is what I thought about when I saw it. So with one of my hands, the one with no trash bag, I opened the backdoor of the kitchen. Now I didn't know this before I opened the door but the back light on the back porch was all burned out. Not a beam of light radiated from it's bulb. Now I thought this was strange since that light always worked unless it was burned out and I forgot to replace it. So as I'm walking out the door with a trash bag full of chili scrap and paper plates. And it's still raining. Hard and wet. Well the rain is getting on my head and in my eyes so I sort of squint like you do when you are outside on a bright sunny day. But instead of sun, it's rain in my eyes. So like I said, I'm walking out the door into the wet dark stinking night. Stinking? Why does it stink so bad I wonder? Now I'll tell you, I didn't have much time to think about this because before I know It I have my face planted into what I can only describe as a wall of stinking soaking wet hair. Before I can step back I am knocked flat on my back by a powerful uppercut to my jaw. My pants, jacket and shirt tail got all wet and my trash bag was stolen. It was Big Foot. I pinched a never in the fall and haven't worked since. I help out where I can. If you need to move you can borrow my truck. Just return it with a full tank of gas.
My truck needs some gas. Are you moving?

It's raining like it means it today. When I stop typing I can hear it. It's a delight.
Stay warm, dry and safe,

And I'd like to give a shout out to my uncle Dave

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